When it's all quiet, what do you hear?

I chanced upon this song Nothing to Lose today and the thought struck me - as an older person, what is it that I am teaching, influencing others, especially those younger than me, to see or to live?

Nothing to Lose (Philips, Craig and Dean)
You taught me how to ride a bike
Tie my shoes and fly a kite
How to swim and how to fish
To see a star and make a wish
Said it's okay to make mistakes
Just don't get stuck in yesterday
Forgive, forget, and move ahead
'Cause life is what you make of it
Now you're gone, and all I have
Are memories I hold dear
But if I'm quiet, I hear your voice
Still ringing in my ears

Saying live with no excuses
Love with no regrets
Laugh a lot and leave this life
With nothing left unsaid
Make this world a better place
Don't be afraid to cry
And when it's finally time to say goodbye
There's
Nothing to prove
Nothing to lose
Nothing to hide

Declaration

but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 9:24)

You are the One I fix my eyes on. Yes, again and again.
You fill me up,
You breathe life into me.
You are never far from me,
You are always with me.
There is just no one like You.

You have the words of eternal life.

John 6
⁶⁸ Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, ⁶⁹ and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

So I was, once again, faced with my own wretchedness. The painful realisation of how I had unconsciously judged, doused another with well-meaning, ill-timed words.

To amplify that further, it was also the sense of shame. The knowing that I had failed.

Yet, in the knowing that I am wretched, there is hope.

Because there is a Holy God, who is totally other than, totally nothing like me. Because He is creator and I am created. Because He is love, nailed on the Cross for my redemption. Because He knows what I am made of, is not unaware of the dark waves that hit out at me. He was here on this earth, He met with the darkness.

And He triumphed. In no way that I can, because He is God.

In Him, I put my trust. There is no way I can turn away from Him, even when I have to acknowledge my sin. Because He is merciful. He has the words of eternal life which strengthen me again.

And I am redeemed.

It's Wednesday.

So if anything that being sick in the last 5 days has taught me, I feel like it is not to take my health for granted. I really have to take care of my health because I want to be a part of my Father's business. Yet, at the same time, this period of being at home hasn't been without blessing.

I have had some small opportunities to be in the midst of my parents' conversations, listening and thinking.

I have had some time to be in God's word, a habit which has been ploughed over by the incessant cry of work.

I have had some time to pray, when my world went a little more woozy under medication and I could not concentrate on work brought home.

I have had some time to realise again how I am still afraid of people's judgement of me based on the work I do and then, the need to come to the truth that God values me because He made me.

Still, I'm not quite sure how much it is divine appointment that I am home and open to these times at this point, but I am reminded that I am mortal, my life is a mere handbreadth before the Ancient of Days, but He cares for me.
So shouldn't I care for my health too?

Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

the Father's heart

I was thinking about the prodigal son and his father and wondering if I could find this was a consistent theme, motif, paradigm throughout the Bible.

Then I realised that when God spoke again and again and again, throughout the Bible, of how He would redeem Israel from her sin and her rebellion, that was His heart. That is my Father's heart, throughout history, throughout the Bible, through Jesus and through the Holy Spirit who himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children (Romans 8:16).

Abba, Father.

A Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan Tradition

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

Morose thoughts, surrendered.

It was the first day back at work.

The changes, which I had wanted to be nonchalant about, became starkly apparent to me today. Those who had been my juniors six months ago were now the ones whom I had to approach to find out more about my charges, about the resources I had to use. There were no copies of certain resources for me so I had to borrow theirs.

I had been re-assigned to work with another colleague in an entirely new area of work. As I was briefed about the activities which had been planned, I was reassured several times that not very much was expected of me.

Did I feel small and insignificant ? Yes, today, I did.

I had come from a place where I had heard and received into my heart that I am the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8) , that He has plans for me, to prosper and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11).

Which reality do I put my trust into? And stake my heart on?

Today, I had to relinquish and surrender the old way of defining myself.

Today, I proclaim again that You are my Maker, my Creator and from You, in You, I derive my identity.

And You say to me, come to Me, because I am your safe place. No one else can be your safe place but Me. I am fully, utterly trustworthy, dependable.

I have been to a place of physical safety, quiet and beauty and now my Lord shows me that I can be safe under the shelter of His wings.

Psalm 61:2-4 (NKJV)
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

³ For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
⁴ I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

 

"Rest is not some holy feeling that comes upon us in church. It is a state of calm rising from a heart deeply and firmly established in God." - Henry Drummond

Back in SG!

I'm back in Singapore!

Was just listening to this Youtube Video - "Who You Are" by Bethel. And I'm reminded of how we went through Psalm 103 and thought on what it meant.

Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits -
(Psalm 103:1-2 NIV)

That worshipping Jesus sometimes means we have to actively take the decision to do so. Yet when we think of all 'His benefits', of who He is, it is not difficult to give Him the worth He is due.

Last week at DTS.

Dear Readers,
Tomorrow is the first day of my last week of DTS. We concluded our outreach phase on Wednesday, went away for debrief, returned to the base in Tauranga on Friday afternoon to prepare for the rooms for our friends' return from Vanuatu and the Philippines.

We were in Wellington for 2 weeks, about 4 days in Hawera and then about 5 days in New Plymouth. Again and again, God provided and prepared people to bless us and opportunities to be a channel of His love and blessing to people.
Need some time to organise my thoughts, but praise God for His goodness.
Love,
Xiaohui.

Pictures!

Here at http://govoted2013.blogspot.co.nz/

Letter

Dear God,

I thank You for the way you have opened up doors for us. I thank You for the way that when You close doors for us, You are preparing something else for us.

Love You,

Xiaohui.

We (Claire, Espen and I) chatted and prayed with Father Ray. It was such a blessed time.

We visited Hope Centre (Wellington) on Friday night. 

Welly

We're in Wellington, have been here since 29April.
God has been awesomely good, awesomely faithful. He can't be otherwise, really; this is who He is!

redirecting you to...

Hi everyone,
Apologies for the drought of posts. We had very very limited internet access while in Vanuatu, so we put our efforts into a group blog. We will be updating that weekly, definitely.

You can check it out at www.govoted2013.blogspot.com

Carried.

I am less than 12 hours from leaving my school; about 17 hours from flying to Vanuatu.

I'm excited.

Today, I had a chance to meet a Singaporean couple who have been at the DTS in Matamata! And then finally, a chance to chat with a Korean lady who comes and visits our cook occasionally with her daughter.

That's one of the things which I have found I enjoy - the time and encounters with people and to get to know them.

I wanted also to take the chance to thank you for praying with me. I have been talking about how God has been faithful and He has seen me through the different worries I had; but I realised this week, how you, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, have been instrumental in how God has moved in my life because of your prayers too.

I have been carried by your prayers as well.
I thank God for you.

Week 11.

Dear Reader(s),
Yes, I am alive. Alive and kicking, in fact.
Tomorrow will be Week 12 - Outreach Preparation Week. This week was the last week of our lecture phase.

I went to Bethlehem Baptist Church's Easter Journey (http://www.easterjourney.co.nz/) yesterday. Fellow SJSMers, this made me think of our P40 prayer journey, a couple of times more grand. I really appreciate the effort our churches make in order to help us to take time to dwell on the Scriptures, to envison what God's word may look like and also to deepen our sense of His love.

I'm glad that I'm here at Easter. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't have wanted to be home, be in SJSM. But I appreciate being here in a different place, and still be amongst fellow believers and worshipping God together with them.

In about 2.5 hour's time, I will also have the privilege of witnessing some of my DTS friends getting baptised. Praise God!

I leave on Saturday to Vanuatu. Will be back in NZ on 27 April to continue the journey before I graduate from the school at the end of May.

What does the future hold?
I'm not sure.

I'm getting to know more and more the One who holds my future and that is well with my soul.

Week 8. Reminders.

Dear Reader(s),
This is the end of the week of 8 weeks of my school.
That might have been a poorly constructed sentence, but it is a sentence structured with intention. 8 weeks have passed. They have been very good 8 weeks.

Our school leader facilitated the lectures for this week. One of the questions he asked at the beginning of the week was - 'Have you received what you were here for?'
A good question to start the week, in my opinion. Makes me think of Ephesians 5:14
¹⁴ This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

 

It arrested me, because in the beginning of the week, I was feeling somewhat pleased with myself that I had gotten things done. Laundry, journal, book review. Pretty _awesome_ feeling, isn't it? High-five to self, yeah!

 

But that wasn't why I'm here, isn't it?

 

It's not to get into another routine. It's not to get on top of things.

 

It was to be with God.

 

This was a good reminder then - should I be choosing to do the good things or should I be listening into what my Father wants me to do?

And while I still learn to do that, God is faithful.

 

When He says this (from Psalm 46)

¹⁰ ...“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

 

He is reminding me not in a hao-lian (Hokkien for 'arrogant') manner that He will be celebrated over the world, but in context, He will be and is to be exalted because He has saved and continues to save us.

Camping/ Hiking Trip to Tongariro

Inger, Me, Clare & the Emerald Lake(s) in the background.



DEVOTED SCHOOL!
Cadi (my stream leader), me & Debbie.

 

Long overdue

Hi everyone,

I hope that my posts so far have not sounded too mysterious, but they've kind of been typed in-between periods of activities or before dinner and also on my iPhone which is not the most ideal. So I apologise if you've not heard very much, but the main thing is I'm alive, I'm doing well and praise be to God. :)

Can't do a post without saying again how God is faithful and has provided, even blessed, me with a wonderful community here at DTS. I don’t know everyone well, but they have all been as welcoming as they can be. If I've not said it before, there are 43 of us students, 14 staff, 1 school leader. There are 6 different streams here: Devoted (focus: prayer & worship); Go (focus: evangelism); Pacific Challenge (focus: reaching Pacific Islands); Medical; Worship; Justice (focus: on those who don’t have a voice; are suffering injustice). That’s a lot of people. And a lot of dishes to wash; which is my duty on Tuesdays.

 Each of us has duties spread over the week. The whole idea is to serve one another, contribute to the running of the base. I have dishes for lunch and dinner on Tuesday; duties at the house I’m staying in on Wednesdays and Thursdays. We also have discussions within our streams – twice a week; outreach (mission) preparation will happen soon and will be take one of those discussion slots.

I stay a short walk away from the base with 5 other young women and a married couple in another house. 2 rooms have been partitioned off – the couple take one room and we girls take another. I think the 8 of us are the oldest students here so it’s nice to have some space. I'm really thankful for my roomates. We've grown closer over the 6 weeks and that's really good.

The 6 maidens of the Redman's House on a Road trip to Rotorua!

So… this is first Friday that I’ve really had (more) time to sit down at the base and type this relatively long post because most people have gone to a conference. If not, the base will still be busier/ more crowded.

We stay a good 10 minute’s drive from the supermarket/ post office area. So most time is spent here at base or down at the valley. I really like going down to the valley. It’s very peaceful and it’s good to be there, spending some time with God.

Phew. It's really been some time since I spent so much time on a laptop. Or any electronic device. So that's it for now, folks.

p/s: sorry, left my iPhone cable down at the house and so don't have pictures to upload (again!)

God bless you and keep you.

Tilling the Soul

If I can sum up what had been happening this week, it would be that God's been tilling the soil of my heart. 

It's amazing how God just knows us so much better and deeper than we, or any person for the matter, could ever analyse ourselves. And He the Holy Spirit is able to reveal to us the deepest areas of healing we need, areas of bondage or lies we need freedom from, even when we didn't know it was there. 

More than that, and that God is able to free us. 

John 8:36

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Long, rambl-y post/ God is good

Hello my friends, 

For the longest time, I thought the hongbao packet at the back of the message book you made for me was just decoration; I thought it was supposed to represent me because of the little girl on the packet.

I could have gone through the entire 5 months without realising you had put a love gift for me inside! I was trying not to read it in case I felt homesick after, but today I wanted to read one of your messages. Came across the hongbao and wondered why it was there.

And lo and behold, I saw your love gift!

I didn't have a good day at the lectures earlier. The lectures were good, but there were some things which I felt I couldn't get; plus, I got a bit drowsy. And I was thinking to myself-I'm such a terrible student. And it could have just gone downhill from there. 

Why make such a big deal out of it, it's just a lesson, you might ask. Perhaps it's just the way I have been conditioned all these years. Having this level of criticism within me when I felt that I didn't match up to a standard or the best. 

The speaker took us through some songs at the end of the session. During which, I felt that God was just telling me that it was ok. That if I trusted in Him and worked with Him, He would work with me and ensure what He wanted me to see and comprehend. 

There's such great encouragement from God, eh? That I can take His yoke upon me and learn from Him, for He is gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest in my souls. (Matthew 11:29) 

So finding the hongbao felt like God's blessing to me-you were a part of Him showing how He loves me.

How do I use Google+?

Having difficulty uploading pictures using Google+. Will be using FB in the meantime to share pictures.
Ciao!

I'm here. Thank God.

Dear Reader(s), 

So I'm here, in Tauranga. Just thinking about it, I'm feeling really reassured by God.

Let's start with food. So I was all prepared that it would be all taters (potatoes), starch and...a lot of non-Asian food. But guess what-we had curry for dinner today. Well, not spiced, spicy curry as we know it, but it's still good. We had it with rice! Woohoo! And I thought I wouldn't be eating rice very much here at DTS. Thank You God that You know that I'm such an Asian. 

The scenery is wonderful. 2 of my roommates asked me about why I decided to come here and I had a chance to share about how God has been leading me to this time. As much as I get embarrassed about getting emotional recounting the journey, I'm glad that I had the chance today. It's helped me remember that God has been here with me. 

Here is a picture to share. Enjoy it and God bless. 

再见。

- 3

I realised that my prayer points could have been summarised :p

Luke 10:27
²⁷ He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'

And then there were 6.

6 more days to go. I'm thankful God's blessed me with better health today.

A thought that seems to be collecting: differences, conflicts are not necessarily bad things.
Yet if there isn't a point of convergence, agreement, could there be any good in them?