About 'self-esteem'

"This focus on overcoming inferiority and building self-esteem led to a heated debate among many Christians. Today, much of the fury has subsided, but the debate still continues in some places. Well-known Christian counselor Jay Adams became a strong critic of terms like self-esteem, self-love, and self-image. He used words like paganism and a plague to describe the self-esteem movement, and has argued that Scripture focuses on human sinfulness and self-denial rather than self-worth or self-affirmation. The Bible is not attended to "make us satisfied with ourselves as we are, but to destroy any satisfaction that may exist," Adams wrote. "You must treat yourself like a criminal, and put self to death every day."¹ Though far removed from the Adams camp, psychologist Paul Vitz has taken a similar view in a book that criticizes our modern overemphasis on the self and calls psychology a new religion that is based on worship of the self. ² 

Writing from a rich background of clinical experience, counselor David Carson takes a different approach. Carlson realizes how many people are devastated by a poor self-image. Instead, people need to be helped to find a biblical kind of self-esteem.

Self-love, as I understand the concept biblically and psychologically, include the following: (1) accepting myself as a child of God who is lovable, valuable, capable; (2) being willing to give up considering myself the center of the world; (3) recognizing my need of God’s forgiveness and redemption. Christian self-esteem results from translating “I am the greatest, wisest, strongest, best” to Ï am what I am, a person made in God’s image, a sinner redeemed by God’s grace, and a significant part in the body of Christ.”^3”

Taken from Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide by Gary R. Collins

¹Jay E Adams, The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self Image

²Paul Vitz, Psychology as Religion: The Cult of Self-Worship

³David Carson, Counseling and Self-Esteem

co-dependency

so if co-dependency is about one taking care of another to avoid looking into one's own pain, might workaholism be a symptom of it?

That is, one throwing oneself into work, taking care of work, so that one not only avoids looking at his/ her pain, but also depends on work to meet their "emotional and self-esteem needs".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Taken from https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior. 

...
Caretaking.

Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.

...

Control.

Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control.Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.

You the Maker of Heaven

You the Maker of Heaven,

the One who set the moon and stars in place (Psalm 8:3),

the One Whose craftsmanship of the skies is displayed day after day (Psalm 19:1),

my life is in Your hands.

"I lean not on my own understanding

My life is in the hands

Of the Maker of Heaven

I give it all to You, God

Trusting that You'll make

Something beautiful out of me"

- Nothing I Hold On to / Climb

(Will Reagan and Brandon Hampton)

of farming and Proverbs 20:4

http://www.middletownbiblechurch.org/biblecus/biblec6.htm

nah, brain!

I have a sudden, strange craving for a good potato curry puff.

So, nah, brain, you can eat this first.

#stressandstrangecravings

Taken from http://www.bearnakedfood.com/2015/09/02/easy-potato-curry-puffs/

Yes. No.

"Focus on what you want or are aiming for in life.

Say no to some things so as to say yes to the meaningful things."

Methinks this is great advice to the 13-17 year-old who were the main audience.

In the secret

The workshop of missionary munitions is the hidden, personal, worshipping life of the saint.

Time.

Time,
I hear you walking
your steady, constant pace
(but sometimes, I
think you trick me and
run, skip or fly.

You seem to get
ahead of me, or
sometimes, drag
your feet
behind.).

We work mostly fine
Together, you and I
(Yet there be times
when you seem
oblivious to me,
walking on ahead
while I pant to
catch up.

Sometimes I forget,
and you've gone
ahead
to turn another
page.).

Ah. Thought.

I think God is the most rational of all. (Of course He is.)

10:26pm

It is 10:26pm.

My assignment is opened, I have instrumental music streaming into my ears.
And there is a flow of reflections coming through my fingertips.

Something happened today. This afternoon. What was it?

There was space and time to pause and think. Space and time to be me. And not work, for just that 1.5 hours.
To eat a simple lunch of mee pok and (allow myself to buy and) savour a $1.50 kopi-peng.

And oh, what a glorious cup of kopi-peng it was.
What a glorious time, it was, to connect with me.

Imagine it was taking the plug of my brain and senses and connecting it into the socket of my heart.
*Bam!* I came alive.

What was it?
Maybe part of it was due to sharing my heart honestly to the young people that I had to leave.
And that I registered their reaction and responded to their reactions.

*Bam!* I became more than my role; I became the living, breathing, feeling me.

It is 10:41pm.
I am thankful to God that He walks with me, is patient with me, is (Oh my goodness!) concerned for and about me.

Information.

Information  ≠ Informed

  ≠ Knowing

  ≠ Understanding
  ≠ Empathy

I''ll let the song speak, k?

Sovereign
Writers: Chris Tomlin, Jason Ingram, Jonas Myrin, Martin Chalk, Matt Redman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2YX9HZ9uxI

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes, all I need
Held in your hands

All my life, all of me
Held in your hands

All my fears, all my dreams
Held in your hands

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God-Interruptions

Taken from http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-god-interrupts-your-plans
When God Interrupts Your Plans by Christina Fox (Published 13 May 2015, last accessed 14 May 2017)

"But the reality is, we often won’t have major events in our life that cause us to trust God and obey him in some deeply profound way. We won’t be called to build an ark or take an only child up Mount Moriah. Rather, it’s in these small frustrations and interruptions, the little things in our life, where we are given opportunities to rely on God, to obey him, and to bring him glory.

Paul Tripp puts it like this:

You and I don’t live in a series of big, dramatic moments. We don’t careen from big decision to big decision. We all live in an endless series of little moments. The character of a life isn’t set in ten big moments. The character of a life is set in ten thousand little moments of everyday life. It’s the themes of struggles that emerge from those little moments that reveal what’s really going on in our hearts. (Whiter Than Snow, 21) "

...

"It’s these moments where the rubber meets the road — where our faith is stretched and we look down to see whether we are standing on rock or sand. Do we really believe that God is in control of all the details of our life? Do we really believe that his grace is sufficient to get us through the day? Do we really believe that the gospel of Christ is powerful enough not only to save us for eternity, but also to sustain and strengthen us in the midst of life’s interruptions? Do we really believe that Christ is enough to satisfy all the deepest needs of our heart?"

...

"These interruptions remind us that we don’t have life figured out and that we can’t do it on our own. They are like the Shepherd’s rod, pulling us back from our wandering ways, back to our Great Shepherd. We need these interruptions. Like nothing else, they push us to the cross of Christ where we must remember the gospel and receive his grace and forgiveness.

It’s hard to see all the little frustrating events and interruptions in our day as divinely placed opportunities to grow in grace, but they are. And seeing them as such helps us take our eyes off ourselves and put them on Christ, who cares more about our transformation than about our daily comfort. Rather than giving us a life of ease, He interrupts our lives with grace and shows us what we need most of all: Himself."

(My emphasis)

''The Bright Field'' by RS Thomas

I have seen the sun break through 
to illuminate a small field 
for a while, and gone my way 
and forgotten it. But that was the 
pearl of great price, the one field that had 
treasure in it. I realise now 
that I must give all that I have 
to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after 

an imagined past. It is the turning 

aside like Moses to the miracle 

of the lit bush, to a brightness 

that seemed as transitory as your youth 

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

Care of Souls

"We inivite the one who is tired, wearied, hurt, discouraged to come out and join us; when perhaps what they really need is someone go to them and sit with them awhile." - Care of Souls

from "Re-Entry"

"We're all like this at times. We list the things we have accomplished for God as though they were our credentials; as though our identity were dependent upon people recognising what we have done. But the only credential that is important in the kingdom of God is that our names are written in heaven. We are sons and daughters of God. Whether we were missionaries or not has nothing to do with how God views us. He may be pleased with our diligent service, but that doesn't elevate us to the status of a privileged child. He is an impartial God and loves all His children equally. 

Learn to derive your identity from the fact that you are a child of God, not from the fact that you are a missionary." 

Peter Jordan, Re-Entry, "Final Approach". 

hope

"Hope not because you think you can be good, but because God loves us irrespective of our merits and whatever is good in us comes from God's love, not from our own doing."
- Thomas Merton, Contemplative

10:53pm

Maybe, really,
                 truly, the
            way it will be
(, or is supposed
to be),
         will be
that
I am ever
           only
a few steps ahead,
          always, also
still learning.

Learning and
        teaching,
learning
    and guiding,
learning and learning.

Fasting (and feasting)

"Fast from judging others; 
Feast on Christ dwelling in them.
Fast from apparent darkness; 
Feast on the reality of Light.
Fast from discontent;
Feast on gratitude.
Fast from complaining; 
Feast on appreciation.
Fast from words that pollute; 
Feast on phrases that purify.
Fast from gossip.
Feast on purposeful silence.
Fast from anger; 
Feast on patience.
Fast from bitterness; 
Feast on forgiveness.
Fast from problems that overwhelm; 
Feast on prayer that sustains.
Fast from worry;
Feast on faith.
Fast from anxiety; 
Feast on hope.
Fast from self concern;
Feast on compassion.
Fast from yourself; 
Feast on a silent heart."
- William Arthur Ward

Ezra praises the LORD

27 Blessed be the Lord, the God of our fathers, who put such a thing as this into the heart of the king, to beautify the house of the Lord that is in Jerusalem, 

28 and who extended to me His steadfast love before the king and his counselors, and before all the king's mighty officers. I took courage, for the hand of the Lord my God was on me, and I gathered leading men from Israel to go up with me.

(my italics)

What is my gospel?

Paul, writing to Timothy, says this in 2 Timothy 2:8 
" Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel "

Perspectives

My first work assignment was scheduled for today, and in modern lingo, I blew it.

I claim full responsibility because there had been reminders about timing, and yet I remembered it incorrectly.

It was stressful having to face the other parties involved and I am told that the way to make up for this mistake is that I need to do my work well.

On the way back home, I tried very hard to examine how I feel. And how I should respond. If I messaged some friends, what was I expecting? For them to console me, make me feel better, tell me that it was because I had been sick and so I made this mistake? Did I want them to hug me and tell me it would all be OK?

That it would all be ok...

And yet, I don't know if it will be all ok when I meet the other involved parties. I may just have to work with their possibly already having a poor impression of me.

But in all things, I know it will be OK. I know it will be OK, because I have God journeying with me, coaching me. The Lord of the universe, (who made the evening sky in those hues!) in Whose safety and shelter is incomparable. He is No.1 in ensuring my heart, my mind is safe.

Perspectives. I may have bungled today's work assignment, but I know that was not all there is to today. The bus home passed by an accident site. Not serious, thankfully. I am also thankful that I am safely home now. As I looked for the picture of the evening sky in my phone, I saw the picture of a little boy some of us had been praying for this week because he had had to do an important surgery.

Perspectives.

Lord, I love when You show me the minute details of Your care. Help me to see more than what I am used to, help me to see the macro that I may be reminded of Your awesomeness.

Thanksgiving

We are 12 days into 2017, and I still have thanksgiving to God for 2016.

One of the things I have been thankful about is meeting a good, effective doctor. 

I had a health scare last year. I fell sick in April, with what seemed to be the flu. I am not sure if I actually recovered fully, but I fell very ill again in June. 

When I saw the doctor who had become my regular GP, I was told that I had developed sinusitis. And because my immunity had been low for some time, and together with some other possible symptoms, a worst-case scenario was that my low immunity was due to lupus (https://www.niams.nih.gov/health_info/lupus/lupus_ff.asp).

This worst-case scenario really frightened me. And there were only two persons I could share my fear with then, one in a face-to-face conversation a few days later, and the other, through an email. 

In retrospect, it was good that most of my family was not with me then, if not, they would have worried excessively. I am thankful these two friends were available for me to share my fears with them.

I spent my birthday sick, mostly in bed, and feeling quite sorry for myself too because I was not home, and not with loved ones. I spent my birthday willing my body (if one could really do something like that) to get better soon so that I could be told that I do not have lupus at my next medical appointment. 

Eventually, I did not have to go for the blood test for lupus because I was responding to the prescribed antibiotics. I also began using a nasal spray regularly to combat allergies. For years, when I had flu-like symptoms, I would be told that I had probably caught a bug from the workplace (even when it was not flu season and no one around was sick). Growing up, it bothered me that I developed throat infection so easily. It has made more sense to me now that I have allergies. 

So I thank God for a competent, experienced doctor who, did not simply prescribe me a course of antibiotics but prepared me for a worse possibility because he was concerned, and has also been working with me towards recovering fuller health. I thank God for a supportive supervisor who reassured me that I could and should take time to rest and recover. I must say now I am deeply appreciative of work policies/ places which provide for their employees' healthcare claims.

I thank God also for this learning process He is taking me on. I am learning that I am mortal and finite, that I am made for rest. 

I am learning that instead of comparing myself to others and wondering why I get sick so often/ easily, or why I take such a long time to recover, I should be taking in the information I am receiving to help me take better care of my own health, so that I can do the things which God positions me to do. Where God places me, and with whom He places me, I want to be fully there. 

I am learning to be thankful. And while I learn to be so, my eyes are opened again and again to the reality that there is God who cares for me, who knows my needs, who knows how my body is made, who provides me with the persons who can be with me on this journey.

The Lord God who made us all, cares for each of us.

Psalm 63

(from http://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/treasury-of-david/psalms-63-1.html)

"David did not leave off singing because he was in the wilderness, neither did he in slovenly idleness go on repeating Psalms intended for other occasions; but he carefully made his worship suitable to his circumstances, and presented to his God a wilderness hymn when he was in the wilderness. ... We too may expect to be cast into rough places ere we go hence.

In such seasons, may the Eternal Comforter abide with us, and cause us to bless the Lord at all times, making even the solitary place to become a temple for Jehovah.

The distinguishing word of this Psalm is EARLY. When the bed is the softest we are most tempted to rise at lazy hours; but when comfort is gone, and the couch is hard, if we rise the earlier to seek the Lord, we have much for which to thank the wilderness."

Thanks, 2016!

Thanks, 2016! What a year you have been.

2016, you helped me embrace my age. The initial entrance into The Thirties was without physical fanfare, but there was much tremor, quaking, pressure, apprehension within.
- Where am I in my career? Am I even going to have a career? 
- Marriage, relationships, dating? All uncharted territory! Er, where do I start? Mmmm...actually, do I want to start? Maybe it's less scary not to...
- Who's journeying with me? 
- Am I being left behind?!

(Ah, would you like to say 'Hello' to the silent neurotic thoughts turning in my head? :p)

2016, you kind of threw a couple of curve balls at me. And I've never really been very athletic, so those curve balls were quite challenging.

But those curve balls? They got me thinking. They got me looking deeper within me.
What do I value? What do I love? 
Where am I supposed to be investing my time?
What are the gifts given to me by so rich and loving a Giver, and yet I have left unopened?
And if I am giving of myself, what sort of me am I giving out? 
If I am giving, what is my reSource? 

Those curve balls? I had to take time to examine where they hit me, and what they did to me, so that I could learn how I could manage them, and more importantly myself.

Those curve balls. I think 2017, 2018...would throw some at me too. I may still be hit by some. But I hope I am learning to recover better from the initial 'oof!' when they hit.

And I want to laugh some more, when I get floored sometimes. And I want to laugh at myself too!

So thank you 2016, you have shown me there is much for me to learn still. That makes me feel hopeful. There are (endless) opportunities and possibilities.

So long and thanks for all the fish!

And here's a funny picture to remember some of the laughs of 2016, and to also thank God for the fellow sojourners He sent my way.