Perspectives

My first work assignment was scheduled for today, and in modern lingo, I blew it.

I claim full responsibility because there had been reminders about timing, and yet I remembered it incorrectly.

It was stressful having to face the other parties involved and I am told that the way to make up for this mistake is that I need to do my work well.

On the way back home, I tried very hard to examine how I feel. And how I should respond. If I messaged some friends, what was I expecting? For them to console me, make me feel better, tell me that it was because I had been sick and so I made this mistake? Did I want them to hug me and tell me it would all be OK?

That it would all be ok...

And yet, I don't know if it will be all ok when I meet the other involved parties. I may just have to work with their possibly already having a poor impression of me.

But in all things, I know it will be OK. I know it will be OK, because I have God journeying with me, coaching me. The Lord of the universe, (who made the evening sky in those hues!) in Whose safety and shelter is incomparable. He is No.1 in ensuring my heart, my mind is safe.

Perspectives. I may have bungled today's work assignment, but I know that was not all there is to today. The bus home passed by an accident site. Not serious, thankfully. I am also thankful that I am safely home now. As I looked for the picture of the evening sky in my phone, I saw the picture of a little boy some of us had been praying for this week because he had had to do an important surgery.

Perspectives.

Lord, I love when You show me the minute details of Your care. Help me to see more than what I am used to, help me to see the macro that I may be reminded of Your awesomeness.

Thanksgiving

We are 12 days into 2017, and I still have thanksgiving to God for 2016.

One of the things I have been thankful about is meeting a good, effective doctor. 

I had a health scare last year. I fell sick in April, with what seemed to be the flu. I am not sure if I actually recovered fully, but I fell very ill again in June. 

When I saw the doctor who had become my regular GP, I was told that I had developed sinusitis. And because my immunity had been low for some time, and together with some other possible symptoms, a worst-case scenario was that my low immunity was due to lupus (https://www.niams.nih.gov/health_info/lupus/lupus_ff.asp).

This worst-case scenario really frightened me. And there were only two persons I could share my fear with then, one in a face-to-face conversation a few days later, and the other, through an email. 

In retrospect, it was good that most of my family was not with me then, if not, they would have worried excessively. I am thankful these two friends were available for me to share my fears with them.

I spent my birthday sick, mostly in bed, and feeling quite sorry for myself too because I was not home, and not with loved ones. I spent my birthday willing my body (if one could really do something like that) to get better soon so that I could be told that I do not have lupus at my next medical appointment. 

Eventually, I did not have to go for the blood test for lupus because I was responding to the prescribed antibiotics. I also began using a nasal spray regularly to combat allergies. For years, when I had flu-like symptoms, I would be told that I had probably caught a bug from the workplace (even when it was not flu season and no one around was sick). Growing up, it bothered me that I developed throat infection so easily. It has made more sense to me now that I have allergies. 

So I thank God for a competent, experienced doctor who, did not simply prescribe me a course of antibiotics but prepared me for a worse possibility because he was concerned, and has also been working with me towards recovering fuller health. I thank God for a supportive supervisor who reassured me that I could and should take time to rest and recover. I must say now I am deeply appreciative of work policies/ places which provide for their employees' healthcare claims.

I thank God also for this learning process He is taking me on. I am learning that I am mortal and finite, that I am made for rest. 

I am learning that instead of comparing myself to others and wondering why I get sick so often/ easily, or why I take such a long time to recover, I should be taking in the information I am receiving to help me take better care of my own health, so that I can do the things which God positions me to do. Where God places me, and with whom He places me, I want to be fully there. 

I am learning to be thankful. And while I learn to be so, my eyes are opened again and again to the reality that there is God who cares for me, who knows my needs, who knows how my body is made, who provides me with the persons who can be with me on this journey.

The Lord God who made us all, cares for each of us.

Psalm 63

(from http://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/treasury-of-david/psalms-63-1.html)

"David did not leave off singing because he was in the wilderness, neither did he in slovenly idleness go on repeating Psalms intended for other occasions; but he carefully made his worship suitable to his circumstances, and presented to his God a wilderness hymn when he was in the wilderness. ... We too may expect to be cast into rough places ere we go hence.

In such seasons, may the Eternal Comforter abide with us, and cause us to bless the Lord at all times, making even the solitary place to become a temple for Jehovah.

The distinguishing word of this Psalm is EARLY. When the bed is the softest we are most tempted to rise at lazy hours; but when comfort is gone, and the couch is hard, if we rise the earlier to seek the Lord, we have much for which to thank the wilderness."

Thanks, 2016!

Thanks, 2016! What a year you have been.

2016, you helped me embrace my age. The initial entrance into The Thirties was without physical fanfare, but there was much tremor, quaking, pressure, apprehension within.
- Where am I in my career? Am I even going to have a career? 
- Marriage, relationships, dating? All uncharted territory! Er, where do I start? Mmmm...actually, do I want to start? Maybe it's less scary not to...
- Who's journeying with me? 
- Am I being left behind?!

(Ah, would you like to say 'Hello' to the silent neurotic thoughts turning in my head? :p)

2016, you kind of threw a couple of curve balls at me. And I've never really been very athletic, so those curve balls were quite challenging.

But those curve balls? They got me thinking. They got me looking deeper within me.
What do I value? What do I love? 
Where am I supposed to be investing my time?
What are the gifts given to me by so rich and loving a Giver, and yet I have left unopened?
And if I am giving of myself, what sort of me am I giving out? 
If I am giving, what is my reSource? 

Those curve balls? I had to take time to examine where they hit me, and what they did to me, so that I could learn how I could manage them, and more importantly myself.

Those curve balls. I think 2017, 2018...would throw some at me too. I may still be hit by some. But I hope I am learning to recover better from the initial 'oof!' when they hit.

And I want to laugh some more, when I get floored sometimes. And I want to laugh at myself too!

So thank you 2016, you have shown me there is much for me to learn still. That makes me feel hopeful. There are (endless) opportunities and possibilities.

So long and thanks for all the fish!

And here's a funny picture to remember some of the laughs of 2016, and to also thank God for the fellow sojourners He sent my way.